Jaded.

My sister's lumps in her breasts grew larger after 7months.
The doctor suggested surgery, to remove them as she's only 60% confident that they are benign.

Just as I thought things would get better in my life, events of late have caused me much distress and I find myself crashing down again - broken. And the bad memories of past comes back to haunt me once again.

Despite trying my best to be the rock for others, doing my best to keep things together.. now I find myself feeling so jaded and all I wish is for someone to bear my burdens for awhile and tell me things are gonna be alright.

As I sat with my sister in church today, I realized how scared I am about the future - everything that ever matters to me never seem to last. Whenever things seem to go exceptionally well, somehow it will all take a turnabout.

I cherish the bond that my sister and I have built up, and only wished I could further share the burden of her fears and anxieties...

Cia cia, if you're reading this, know that I keep you every moment in my prayers. And I see the hurt and sadness you experienced from the past year of heartache..and now this had to happen. Though I don't know how he could do what he did to you, know that you are deserving and worthy.
Just like what you've told me today, I say it back to you: if you are worth fighting for, the person will somehow come back for you.
Otherwise, know that you are wonderful anyway.
Everything will be alright, you have me.

Broken.

My current favorite pre-workout song..

"Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous;
love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly;
it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,
does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;
bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails...But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love."

- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7,13




Tomorrow will be Ash Wednesday.
"From ashes we were made, and to ashes we shall return.."

Jonathan got the coaches to pair up and remind eachother to write our Gratitude Log everyday.. Haven't been keeping to it though. :p
As the season of Lent begins, it is a good time for me to reflect on my blessings each day.. the things I've done, and even more so the things I've failed to do..

I hope I can be a better person.

A cheapo Coffee-maker for the cheapo girl for Valentines'.. Who else but my best mate who knows me well.. ;)

THANK YOOOOO BENJAMIN CHEE - we need to stay away from each other so that we can fucking break the curse of single-hood like, maybe next year?!!

Lols. <3

15 Weeks Out.

Haven't been blogging for awhile. Work and my trainings have been keeping me busy.

I'm definitely feeling the effects of cutting my calories - I don't recover from my workouts as fast (constantly having the jello-legs syndrome), the need for more sleep, and also being a tad bit less-friendly than I would like to be. ;) Still, will try to keep bitch-mode under control lols. No carbs except from veggies for close to two weeks..will have a refeed day on Monday (once every fortnight). It's no problem. I choose to do this, so no complaints. :)

I've heard it many times, that sometimes, your best workout may be the workout when you feel at your worst. I was contemplating yesterday, whether to skip or postpone today's training. My legs were really burnt out.. even walking is a chore. It's so sore that even pressing my finger against my thigh hurts.
I'm glad that I moved my lazy ass to train this morning before work. It was hard, but when I'm done, even I'm pretty amazed that I survived. Well I can quit halfway, but then I'd have to change my goals..

Truth:
Whining gets no one anywhere.

The 3 days-split total body program that I'm on now requires a lot more out of me. I'm really not a fan of training my legs. I don't know if it's a good thing or what, but my fat storage patterns are different from most females. I don't hold fat in my butt and thighs. Nope, no cottage cheese thighs for me. In fact, after being on this program for a month, my legs are getting leaner and leaner despite being already lean! A good problem to have. Now I need to ask my Coach how to lean out my upper body more.

-

Anyway, here's a wonderful read:
http://www.marcandangel.com/2012/01/29/20-things-to-start-doing-in-your-relationships/

Point No. 12 really hit me.
I know I haven't been spending much time with the people whom I care about as much as I would want to.. I've been spending too much time in the gym working or training. And when I have some free time during the weekends, I spent it at home studying or resting..

"..lack of concern hurts more than angry words.."

I've never thought of it that way because I'm always thinking of the people I care about. Despite my seemingly lack of concern, they're always on my mind. Always.
So know that even if I don't seem to contact you, it does not mean I care any less about you. If you are important to me, I think of you all the time..

But yea, people won't know if you don't say or show it. Something I should ponder and spend more effort on.

There's nothing much exciting in my life right now, (in fact, I think my posts on my training and diet may already be boring some) so I'll update again soon after I get Jen to measure my jiggly fats on Saturday. A blog post on the impact of hormones on my body fat should be interesting to some of you.

I Love You Like A River
- Published on September 3, 2011 in Aleph.

‘I love you because all the loves in the world are like different rivers flowing into the same lake, where they meet and are transformed into a single love that becomes rain and blesses the earth.

‘I love you like a river that gives water to the thirsty and takes people where they want to go.

‘I love you like a river which understands that it must learn to flow differently over waterfalls and to rest in the shallows.

‘I love you because we are all born in the same place, at the same source, which keeps us provided with a constant supply of water. And so, when we feel weak, all we have to do is wait a little. The spring returns, the winter snow melts and fill us with new energy.

‘I receive your love and I give you mine.
“Not the love of a man for a woman, not the love of a father for a child, not the love of God for his creatures.
“But a love with no name and no explanation
‘Like a river that cannot explain why it follows a particular course, but simply flows onwards.

‘A love that asks for nothing and gives nothing in return; it is simply there. I will never be yours and you will never be mine; nevertheless, I can honestly say: I love you.’