half-boiled eggs that are overboiled totally kills my morning.
mysis told me bout a weird dream that she had.

if only people are able to read my mind.
my anxieties my fears my worries.
once your self esteem plummets to such a level that it greets your feet,
sometimes you wonder if you can ever get it back.

watched some stupid taiwan show on fri.
the 'ugly-fuglies' cheating their online potential mates about their looks.
it's lame.
but it does makes you wonder about the way appearances creates an impact.
its ok to have eye candies and all.
but im totally and absolutely dissed by people who have no qualms in voicing their insults out loud at others.
i know someone who goes "eee... he's so ugly lo."
wth.

get a life.

exams in 2 weeks time.
lotsa stuff to revise and study.

looking forward to the family hols trip in dec.
but yet, im scared.
but what can i say.
how can i even say what's weighing down on me.
because..
i'll only be deemed as a spoiler and a wet blanket.

when's the time that you really tried being in someone else's shoes?

i have a friend who's constantly disappointed with his friends.
probably with me too.
missing dates. not being there. too selfishly busy with my own life.
who wouldnt be disappointed?

you know what?
every single time that i said no to my friends or the people around me,
i curse myself.
when i look in the mirror,
i see a coward.
not a child of God who has courage and faith.
i see a coward who yearns to go, but held back.
it has reached this point where i dont even care whatever people say about my absence.
go on.
because i hate myself too.

"Nothing is so beautiful as a pure soul...Purity comes from Heaven; we must ask for it from God. If we ask for it, we shall obtain it. We must take great care not to lose it. We must shut our heart against pride, against sensuality, and all the other passions, as one shuts the doors and windows that nobody may be able to get in. What joy it is to the guardian angel to conduct a pure soul! ...The more pure we have been on earth, the nearer we shall be to Him in Heaven...My children, we cannot comprehend the power that a pure soul has over the good God."

-St. John Vianney, the Curé of Ars



"Seek first the kingdom of God and everything else will follow.."

-Matthew 6:33


A person with a beautiful heart, stays beautiful forever.
Sad is the person with an ugly heart, for he can never be beautiful.

Prayer is the greatest power on earth.

PRAY.

Every friday is laboratory session.
and every lab session is like WAR.

everyone will be chionging for the reagents, the equipments, even the sink!
and the acetone!

oh my....
well, cant really blame them, eveyone wants to finish the experiment asap.
and after each lab, i'll be like dragging my feet to can B to buy some food and water.
then gobble them up in hall.
plop! to bed i go.
soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo exhausted.
straight 6hrs of lab is a killer!


was even caught sleeping while taking the melting point of my product by the teaching assissant.

and did i even mention it's so irritating to wear goggles??!!
it makes my eye area so itchy..
and i cant see clearly w the stupid plastic.
always finding opportunities not to wear them as much as possible.
but there's this asst prof gg ard taking pictures of pple who did not wear goggles and post them into our school's infamous Hall of shame!

almost got caught once.
heng i siam.
better be more alert.

wait, why am i even talking bout smth as uninteresting as lab?
sigh... im becoming boring.
all work but no play makes Alison a dull girl.

is Alison even working?
hmmm...

mugged like hell for my malay oral.
hmm i think it went quite okay today....?
haha. my cikgu say i read like a malay.
hahahaha oh man.
and my sister's already calling me a minah la.

went for inorganic chem lect. chit chat w christina, guanyin and gang.

went for econs lect, chit chat w guanyin and jasmine.
went for break, then continue chit chatting.
lect ends, went to ah fang coffeeshop to makan dinner and gossip bout sch and stuff.

so you see, my dad paid my tuition fees so i can enjoy the aircon and chit chat w my friends.

sometimes, my nonchalance towards my studies in uni scares me.
i have turned into a completely different person from who i was during my O and A levels days...



i thought i had put it all behind me already.
guess i was wrong.
afterall, no one else can really make me feel this way.
but i can only keep mum.
who am i?
i have no right.


i have no right.

well, next christmas will be better.
if i can pull through this, i can pull through anything.

Lord, i have to go through what i am going through right now to see what You have in mind for me, what You want me to understand.
Be with me.