"The lust of the flesh - the insatiable appetite to indulge in pleasures that inflame the flesh but never satisfy.

The lust of the eyes - wandering eyes that continually want more riches and possessions but always remain covetous.

The pride of life - the vain mind that thirsts for man's applause. But the glory evaporates quickly."

- Our Daily Bread; adapted from 1 John 2:12-17

I have, just like anyone else, only 24hours a day.

Just as I wish and hope for more time, I don't have the priviledge.

I'm stretched to the max.

I'm tired.

I'm exhausted.

I have no more motivation.

Tuition stops for now - temporarily, till I'm done with exams.

Yet I struggle to cope with the heavy workload of 7 miserable modules.

With even the stinking laboratory module calling for an examination.

I have trainings. I have parties to attend. I have to study.

I'm not doing too good in school.

Myself to blame?

I deserve it because I spend my weekends dragonboating?

I deserve it because I spend 3 days a week tutoring?

I deserve it because I spend my already scarce time attending parties?

Should I really have taken these out of my life to focus on studying?

But yet, I studied. With whatever time I have left, I still study.

Still, I'm feeling terrible. From so many things.

I don't know what to say, I don't know where to start.

And it's frustrating when you have so much to do, so many commitments to fulfill yet do not have the means to do so.

I'm trying as much as I can. There are clashes of events. Opportunity costs to think about.

I don't know what excuse to give for not being able to turn up some certain stuff.

I'm fearful. I fear that people will think I don't care enough, that I can't be bothered.

All I have to say is, I need whatever time I have left to study, to revise, to prepare for my tests and exams.

I am trying hard to fork out time, so please, please try to understand.

And don't judge me without knowing me; and all that I've given in.

Lord, I am tired. In body, mind, heart and spirit.

I hate myself for turning to You only when trouble arises.

But I have no one else to turn to.

Why do I live my life aimlessly, without purpose, without drive, without life.

I fear. I fear that the day will come.
When I see you, married.
I fear, that I'll not be able to let go in time, and when that fateful day comes, I will breakdown. I will fall.
And I know I'll never be able to stand again.
Too little courage, too much pride.
Someday I'll regret not telling you.
Regrets, my life's full of them.