I want to live in the spirit of faith. I accept everything that comes my way as given me by the loving will of God, who sincerely desires my happiness. And so I will accept with submission and gratitude everything that God sends me. I will pay no attention to the voice of nature and to the promptings of self-love. Before each, important action, I will stop to consider for a moment what relationship it has to eternal life and what may be the main reason for my undertaking it: is it for the glory of God or for the good of my own soul, or for the good of the souls of others? If my heart says "yes," then I will not swerve from carrying out the given action.

-St. Maria Faustina Kowalska

"The lust of the flesh - the insatiable appetite to indulge in pleasures that inflame the flesh but never satisfy.

The lust of the eyes - wandering eyes that continually want more riches and possessions but always remain covetous.

The pride of life - the vain mind that thirsts for man's applause. But the glory evaporates quickly."

- Our Daily Bread; adapted from 1 John 2:12-17

I have, just like anyone else, only 24hours a day.

Just as I wish and hope for more time, I don't have the priviledge.

I'm stretched to the max.

I'm tired.

I'm exhausted.

I have no more motivation.

Tuition stops for now - temporarily, till I'm done with exams.

Yet I struggle to cope with the heavy workload of 7 miserable modules.

With even the stinking laboratory module calling for an examination.

I have trainings. I have parties to attend. I have to study.

I'm not doing too good in school.

Myself to blame?

I deserve it because I spend my weekends dragonboating?

I deserve it because I spend 3 days a week tutoring?

I deserve it because I spend my already scarce time attending parties?

Should I really have taken these out of my life to focus on studying?

But yet, I studied. With whatever time I have left, I still study.

Still, I'm feeling terrible. From so many things.

I don't know what to say, I don't know where to start.

And it's frustrating when you have so much to do, so many commitments to fulfill yet do not have the means to do so.

I'm trying as much as I can. There are clashes of events. Opportunity costs to think about.

I don't know what excuse to give for not being able to turn up some certain stuff.

I'm fearful. I fear that people will think I don't care enough, that I can't be bothered.

All I have to say is, I need whatever time I have left to study, to revise, to prepare for my tests and exams.

I am trying hard to fork out time, so please, please try to understand.

And don't judge me without knowing me; and all that I've given in.

Lord, I am tired. In body, mind, heart and spirit.

I hate myself for turning to You only when trouble arises.

But I have no one else to turn to.

Why do I live my life aimlessly, without purpose, without drive, without life.

I fear. I fear that the day will come.
When I see you, married.
I fear, that I'll not be able to let go in time, and when that fateful day comes, I will breakdown. I will fall.
And I know I'll never be able to stand again.
Too little courage, too much pride.
Someday I'll regret not telling you.
Regrets, my life's full of them.

training was so tough today.
as my teammates shouted the words 'don't give up',
all I could think of was you.
and how I gave you up.

again it hit me, that some mistakes can never be amended.
what's lost can never be recovered.

Go through life doing good, so that I could write on its pages: "She spent her life doing good." May God bring this about in you. . .Act in such a way that all those who come in contact with you, will go away joyful. Sow happiness about you because you have received much from God.

-Saint Faustina Kowalska

For the annoynomous reader of my blog:

some of the 2 Star Kayaking Proficiency Course Photos!

Can you get THIS close to SG's very own critically ill Merlion??

Difficulty is an inescapable fact of life, and Almighty God put it there for a purpose. We must never forget that it is God's purpose to make stronger men and women of us. God never created you or me to be weak or defeated. He made us to be strong people and He could not make us strong without difficulty coming into our lives. So we should be thankful for difficulty. We should be proud that God deemed us able to handle the trouble. Many times I have looked up and said, "Dear Lord, if You didn't think I could take it, You wouldn't have permitted it. You have more confidence in me than I have in myself, so I will not focus my eyes on my own lack, but on Your faith in me. Thank you for the compliment."

- from Heart to Heart

If only we could be what we hope to be, by the great kindness of our generous God. He asks so little and gives so much, in this life and in the next, to those who love Him sincerely. In a spirit of hope and out of love for Him, let us then bear and endure all things and give thanks for everything that befalls us.

-St. Gregory Nazianzen

One of my friend from church bought me this tube of sunscreen. Approx. 20bucks. For a tiny weeny tube. It's spf? 130. :)

haha she must be damn worried that i'd get skin cancer. Okay. Not that i purposely lay at the beach to tan or something. And I'm definitely not a client of Fabulous Tan. Not after I've watched Final Destination. Haha. If you know what I mean. ;)

Did up a Revision Table. Exams up next month. With so many things at hand, and a record 7 examinable modules my whole uni life, I think there's no time to waste. No more warming of engines. I need to go full-speed like F1.

It's really frustrating. To know that you need to study but yet you're not doing anything. The little irritating voice called guilt kept bugging me. But at least with a study-revision table at hand, I guess I can try being more focused.

Tomorrow, let the real mugging begin.

I dread going to school.

And I know soon, I'll dread going to work.

Life.

It's like that.

why are we pursuing what we're pursuing right now? why?

heck. I dont know why.

why do i want a high gpa?

To get a high paying job? And so what? I have more money, then?

Lord, help me find my purpose in life.

I definitely dont belong to the lab.

I'll die there.

Above all, avoid sadness and worry. There is no purpose to be sad. Does not Divine Providence direct this world? Can anything occur that God would not know about or allow? And if He allow it, it is undoubtedly for the good of our souls. Hence, your sufferings as you describe them and which are indeed difficult, should not rob you of your peace, nor should they torment you.

-St. Maximilian Maria Kolbe